Each of us has secret thoughts that are not voiced and thoroughly hidden: envy for the best friend, anger at parents, the desire to hit a fellow traveler in a tight metro wagon. We sometimes hide them even from ourselves. We pretend that they are not. But they still leave their mark.

It seems that you might think about something shameful or to do secretly until no one hears and sees what he does not want to admit, and this trifle will not affect life in any way. But such thoughts are necessarily manifested in actions, actions, relationships.

The child closes his eyes with his hands and says: “I’m not here”. He actually believes that he is no longer in the place that he does not see. But his conviction does not affect the perception of others who see him perfectly.

With thoughts the same thing: let them cannot be seen, but for the most part people read how we relate to them, and how we perceive ourselves.

Everything secret becomes obvious

It is not necessary to make thoughts in words so that they become noticeable to others. All this is perfectly broadcast into the world both non -verbally: poses, gestures, facial expressions, views, and verbally: vocabulary, tone, timbre and even pauses between words. “Everything rotates in this universe, returns to us, launching circles on the water”.

Any thought, any doubt, secret action, solution or feeling – all this leaves circles on the water of the unconscious, which diverge wider, touching at first those who are nearby, and then those who are a little further. The more and longer think in one direction, the wider the space that they will affect.

Each thought, feeling, and even more so the action, even secret, leave in the psyche quite tangible traces that manifest themselves into the outside world and are revealed in interaction with others and in their attitude to you.

Why is this happening? The fact is that people have an illusion that everything that they did or thought secretly remains without a witness and, therefore, this was, as it were. That no one saw an offended dog spoiled by someone else’s book. No one heard words thrown in passage in passing, did not recognize envious thoughts.

But there is always a witness. There is always someone who saw, heard, knew. And this person – you yourself. The one who does the actions for which it is ashamed of himself always knows what he is doing. The one whose thoughts are filled with anger and resentment always knows what he thinks, what he secretly wishes and passionately lusts. And the unconscious idea of a person about himself is formed taking into account all this inconspicuous, hidden.

Masks will not help

Everyone knows about himself, where he is not completely honest or did not bold enough, where he was shaking, where he was petty and envious. And those who surround us read our idea of themselves, as it is, without censorship, and it becomes clear to them, albeit unconsciously who is next to them.

That is why we divide people into those with whom we want to be, to communicate, to be friends, to recognize, laugh, and those with whom I do not want to contact either a look or social networks, who causes fear and desire to bypass. We divide people into those who want to trust the most secret, and those who will not trust even a trifle.

On those to whom we are sympathetic, and those who cause disgust. Yes, you can be an advanced actor and skillfully wear masks, but do not flatter yourself. It is impossible to completely get used to the role, one way or another, but the body will give out all those reactions and thoughts that are hidden under the mask. Just a little less sharply, but still quite noticeable so that the unconscious of those around is calibrated and hangs the corresponding label.

Surely you are familiar with those who are surprised: why people treat me so badly? Why not trust, because I am so respectable and respectable citizen? Why do not fall in love, because I am beautiful, tightened, stylishly dressed and witty? Why they are not hired, because I have such a cool portfolio?

Secret thoughts, sins that only he knows about, betraying himself or others, all this leaves an imprint on a person’s attitude to himself – and, as a result, on the attitude of those around him. Of course, you can become a narcissistic psychopath and stop feeling shame and guilt for any of your actions. This is a joke, but there is a share of truth in it.

The internal image of each of us is not formed by thoughts and actions in our own, but our attitude to them, our assessment. If the internal system of values allows you to kick the homeless dog and this is not considered a bad act, then the perception of itself and the internal image will not suffer, it will remain attractive. So, for others, he will also be broadcast as attractive.

A sad thing, but this is so: shameless, heartless, alien to ordinary human morality psychopaths, which is why they are so attractive. Their inner image is impeccable, no matter what monstrous acts they do.

How to change the inner image of yourself

But light always defeats darkness. There is a way to return an attractive inner image of oneself, even if it is already spoiled by order. First, you need to accept your shadow. It is very important. It’s necessary. You need to accept your shadow in order not to choke on a feeling of shame for what you really are.

So that unbearable pain does not interfere with you to look in the eye and see the point at which you are right now. And already seeing the starting point – it’s easier to build a solution to the problem. A long chain of causes and consequences leads us to this point, at which each of us is at the

moment, and it is from this position that you need to learn to take steps towards the exit – take new actions, think new thoughts, feel new feelings, make new decisions. Go away from the usual templates.